Wednesday, 18 April 2018

OUT NOW! JOURNALS: VOLUME 2 (2002-2005) - A BERLIN GOLDEN AGE Erotic indulgence in the florid & lurid red light districts of Munich, Berlin & Vienna. In Paperback and Ebook

OUT NOW! JOURNALS: VOLUME 2 (2002-2005) - A BERLIN GOLDEN AGE
Erotic indulgence in the florid & lurid red light districts of Munich, Berlin & Vienna. In Paperback and Ebook.
Previously published individually as Lotta, The Cold Icy Air of the Mountains, and The Morning After, now re-edited with new material.



Scene in the ABC, old crackly film stops, girl walks down aisle and starts to dance to music, as men in front row openly wank their already massive cocks in front of her

Scene in the ABC, old crackly film stops, girl walks down aisle and starts to dance to music, as men in front row openly wank their already massive cocks in front of her, no attempt to hide them. What pleasure in such abandon! The slippery, sloppy sounds of their wet cocks permanently on the verge of coming, but always just holding back, letting it rest for a minute or so, before carrying on. Always to the point of orgasm then backing off again. For hour after hour there in the dark and the thick fug of cigar smoke. Almost to the point of passing out. This was the life he wanted, and he wanted no other. Sort of a written Carry On/Confessions of series. Book 1 Brussels Book 2 Vienna etc. Make much of erotic possibilities of city of Freud, Berg, Klimt etc. Fucking in the Vienna opera house, getting a tram around the Ring afterwards, coming on the tram. Man in ABC upstairs with his big cock poking out of his trousers, "you want this?" Non monsieur! Merci, non. Musing then on Horta, how they should build two great railway station temples to Horta. Musing on Baudelaire, who caught a bat in the cemetery and kept it in his hotel room. An erotic guide book to Brussels. Confessions of a Brussels Diplomat. Brussels eroticism, Viennese eroticism, Berlin eroticism, etc. Each has its own flavour, its own culture. Oh, Jennifer. Oh, Inna. I want Paloma too, and Emily. And Perrie. And Tatiana. Christ, will I do it this time?


Tuesday, 17 April 2018

In my book have a scene in Munich with B--, Patricia, the SNOW, then Emily and champagne, then next day in daze get on train for Vienna

In my book have a scene in Munich with B--, Patricia, the SNOW, then Emily and champagne, then next day in daze get on train for Vienna, and WSK Amanda, and double cum with Manuela, then get on train for Berlin and Riccarda, Wild Hunt etc. It is a story but write it like a diary, just add blooms & blossoms and mad transgressions. What my smutty erotic life is really like.
So I booked the April trip. Just suddenly it felt right. Felt bad with a groan when I woke and remembered, but a river cuts its own course and right now it felt right to break my austerity this way. My credit card debt is being serviced, so relax a bit. Maybe one trip every three months. January now April, then July etc. Could stay home Monday and Tuesday to make up for it, but more likely the excitement will propel me to -- Beatris more than ever. Calcutta, Porcupine, then 38/55 to --.
I think I do feel a bit excited that I HAVE booked the Brussels trip. I am HUNGRY to see Jennifer again in Empire. To feel those breasts in my hands. I want to feel some breasts in my mouth again. To take Jennifer upstairs even. 30 minutes of that girl writhing topless all over me. What a pleasure. Getting hard just thinking about it. "This is the time. Your intuition is telling you now is the time; you've done the legwork. When you are in alignment". I travel to Brussels this time in alignment.
Oh those incredible memories I had in Fortuna Kino, and WSK Vienna. Those incredible back of the cinema sofa fucks in the dark. Mind-blowing. The difference now is I am NEVER going to book any holidays on my credit cards. Never going to even USE my credit cards for anything. If I cannot afford it from my bank, then I will not go. That is a very definite corner that has been turned.  My era of USING credit cards is over; just need to get over the era of being weighed down by the debt. I still keep thinking what a private dance by -- Helen would be like.


Sunday, 15 April 2018

Going Tuesday morning and coming back Thursday morning is just £50 return Snap. I would spend £25 a day anyway in Charing Cross

Going Tuesday morning and coming back Thursday morning is just £50 return Snap. I would spend £25 a day anyway in Charing Cross. £52 Max a night. That is £77 a day for two days. With Tuesday and Wednesday to spend all day in Brussels, Cine Paris, Fifth Avenue, Gare du  Nord., Empire strip.** Et voila, it's done. As soon as I express a doubt about my need for continual austerity I go ahead and book my Brussels two-night trip for week after next. £74 Eurostar, and £106 hotel. £180 total for two nights. As a one off treat it is not bad. For Easter! Rebirth! Resurrection! I was going to break at some time, so might as well be April, get it out of my system.
In my erotic book, have me doing all the smutty things I liked to do, going to my Italian magazine shop. Make it almost semi documentary like The Egyptian Stamp. I hate fiction because of having to write purple prose, and make things up. So don't. Make it just like a documentary description of what I do. Then just let it bloom and blossom a bit crazily.

How lucky I am to be able to travel to Brussels, Vienna, Berlin, to sleep with sexy naked floozies for not much money. I CANNOT BE HORRIFIED AT THAT HUGE DEBT OF MINE

How lucky I am to be able to travel to Brussels, Vienna, Berlin, to sleep with sexy naked floozies for not much money. I CANNOT BE HORRIFIED AT THAT HUGE DEBT OF MINE, BECAUSE IT WAS SPENT ON TRAVELLING AND HAVING SEX WITH FANTASTIC WHORES IN EUROPE. EVERYTHING AND THE ONLY THING I WANT TO DO. It was all money well spent. Starting to wonder if my austerity is going too far now. No need for it really. I can live in austerity when I HAVE TO. While young, and still just about healthy, and still in one piece, and there are still SOME places left, go now. Remember those years when I suspended my travelling 2006-2010, how everything had gone when I went back. Don't do that again.


Saturday, 14 April 2018

The cataclysm of my lost erotic places has been mindblowing

The cataclysm of my lost erotic places has been mindblowing: in London alone the Italian magazine shop in Goodge Street, Carnival Strip, Sunset Strip old style (before 1999 refurbishment), Astral Cinema, Soho Cinema, Sunset Cinema, Boulevard Strip, the Queen Anne, the Flying Scotsman. In Brussels, Paradise Peep, California Peep, Cine ABC. In Vienna Pour Platin, Fortuna Kino's hostesses and so many Gurtel bars. In Berlin almost the entirety of Stuttgarter Platz, Chocolat, Hanky Panky, Mon Cheri, Starlight, Night Dreams, Golden Gate, Blue Bananas. In Nuremberg the Hot Legs strip club and adjacent videokabins. We cling on to what is left by our fingertips knowing inevitably they will be gone soon too.
I can feel my heart all the time, even all day in bed. Just tense, like gripped in a fist. High pressure caused by three solid days of drinking, plus the red bulls? Some days without drink will heal it? I have to go to the strip clubs in London if I am not travelling, I have to SEE some naked bosoms and bottoms. Till I can get back to the real thing. But oh, daytime Sunset is so poor and night-time not any better. -- some pretty girls but too much risk of succumbing to expensive private dances! So better to go to Sunset and just stare out the door!

Friday, 13 April 2018

Yes all I want is the priapic thrill of the night bars. The Brocken and Reichenbach Falls will have to wait

Yes, all I want is the priapic thrill of the night bars. The Brocken, and Reichenbach Falls will have to wait, and Italy. More than anything I want WSK in Vienna and Cine Paris in Brussels. Plus whatever working videokabins I can still find. Jennifer in Empire. Fifth Avenue. I live for this, priapism. Persistent erection of the penis. Porn and prostitution. Dark porn cinemas. This is what makes me happy. Oh, how long can I delay the return to Brussels? I would like to write that great erotic novel, that captures the wonderful smutty soot on leaves eroticism of my life. My Beardsley Under the Hill.

My stomach and spare tyre huge, weight up to hideous 15'8. More my credit card debt comes down the more my weight goes up

My stomach and spare tyre huge, weight up to hideous 15'8. More my credit card debt comes down the more my weight goes up. I JUST COUNT DOWN THE DAYS TILL I CAN GET BACK TO WSK IN VIENNA AND CINE PARIS IN BRUSSELS. TILL I CAN BE NAKED IN A DARK ROOM WITH A NAKED FLOOZIE AGAIN IN BRUSSELS OR VIENNA. Write a story set in fictional soot on the leaves hothouse Brussels, like the Pleasure Gardens of Felipe Sagittarius. The Willing Cheeks of Fu Manchu, of course, and Seeds of the Pope.


Tuesday, 10 April 2018

I love myself. I am over Calcutta girl already. Now all I think about is getting back to Fifth Avenue, Cine Paris, Gare du Nord, ASAP

I love myself. I am over Calcutta girl already. Now all I think about is getting back to Fifth Avenue, Cine Paris, Gare du Nord, ASAP. Love to be living here as long as possible. Just want to remain alone always.
It is not bad to have ONLY spent £89 total in my three days off. Not bad at all. Got to live. Really saw NO crumpet all day yesterday though. That boring long journey to Nags was depressing. Then already had gone off Lucia in Calcutta by time I got back. Free!
THINK ABOUT BOOKING THE AUGUST TRIP TO BRUSSELS! Christ, that means getting through all of April, all of May, all of June, all of July before I travel?! I will surely travel before then for a brief stay in Brussels, but I can still book this August one in advance. Cheap Eurostar and cheap 3 nights in the Max should not hit my cards too much.
I need to refocus myself now. Refocus, keep my head way down at work. Refocus on days off to saving money, for my credit card reduction, and then with the goal of returning to Brussels. And end of year Vienna. And Christ, we are in April already. It won't be long before October is here and preparing for Vienna. ALL THAT MATTERS IS PORNOGRAPHY. CINE PARIS, WSK. VIDEOKABINS. ALL THAT MATTERS IS PORNOGRAPHY & PROSTITUTION. FIFTH AVENUE, GARE DU NORD, MANHATTAN. PRIAPISM. BURY YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE WORLD IN THE PORN CINEMAS AND VIDEOKABINS, THOSE ARE MY HAPPIEST PLACES. 
OH CHRIST, THE PLEASURE THAT CINE PARIS, WSK, CAFE WESTEND, FIFTH AVENUE, GARE DU NORD GIVE ME. THAT IS ALL I LIVE FOR AND ALWAYS WILL. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEWHERE TO FIND IT. IT MAKES MY SOUL SING. 

Davina on lunch shift at Nags and Nikki on middle at Browns. Some tits there. And not too expensive is it

Davina on lunch shift at Nags, and Nikki on middle at Browns. Some tits there. And not too expensive is it. One beer in Nags, few pounds in pot, one beer in Browns, few pounds in pot. Or just go straight to the Calcutta for late pints.
Tuesday my girl was there of course. I was her first customer, first pint of the day. I flirted with her all day, it was lovely. Had 6, got my boots, then came back for one more. She is gorgeous. First time I have met a girl I would take my ring off for, and would like to share a flat with. I am sure it will come to nothing but it is just wonderful to feel like this about a girl again. It irrigates parts of my soul that have lain dry for years. New blooms and blossoms can grow.
She is not getting enough hours. One week she only has 10 hours. She used to work at The -- in Waterloo, a wine and champagne bar but it was too busy, at least here she has some time to be quiet. Some other staff member came in and said "Buon giorno" to her so then I knew she was Italian, and talking to him in Italian she is so fiery and passionate. Oh, I have always loved Italian women. Those curves. That beauty. That cheeky sexiness. No need to travel when she is in London. This will help me abstain from travelling even longer.
Talking to a colleague she was saying she opened today, but last night she closed! She asked me are you off today, and then said "I am off tomorrow. Oh no, day after tomorrow". I wonder why she wanted me to know? Taking my money to the till with her head down she had a little smile on her face. Did I notice her hand trembling a little bit as she gave me my change back? I wanted to get there for 11 so I had chance to catch her alone, but I looked at time and it was too late to get the 1030. But then I checked the trains and it was running 3 mins late giving me a chance! So I rushed and just caught it, and was rewarded. A lovely day.
She's been there 4 months incredibly, since December.


Monday, 9 April 2018

I got the 12 o'clock train to Charing Cross and just stayed in the Calcutta the whole time

I got the 12 o'clock train to Charing Cross and just stayed in the Calcutta the whole time, 6 pints, Beardie behind the bar. On -- platform as train pulled in and I headed to back of platform, frizzy-haired light black-skinned girl looked me directly in the eyes, she was beautiful, like that 16-year-old in the Clean Bandit video.
Coming in to the Calcutta a couple of times, black hair in bun on top, grey top so tight I could see her nipples poking through it. Quite sexy. Just a couple of green shoots of sexiness. It is amazing HOW I am able to just sit in that corner for six pints, and not really got bored. I was SO tempted to go on to --, then I thought no, Sunset is better. Then I thought no, -- is better. Then I thought you know what, this is just day 1 of 3, so better to save something for the last day. Glad I just came home then. Horrible farting noise already coming from these horrible Converse boots. Hate them.

"Scandalous" people are always attractive

"Scandalous" people are always attractive. The more you attack the more attractive we seem.The more attractive we seem the more you attack. #carryon


Wednesday, 4 April 2018

Just look forward to going drinking on next three days. And of course No.1 location is the Calcutta

Just look forward to going drinking on next three days. And of course No.1 location is the Calcutta. Maybe just there & back again every day. Oh and go to Office tomorrow for my boots. Anything for me to feel worried about now? No, not really. Slow pace of my saving; my spending creeping up on drink & strip clubs again. Temperance. Remember? Amber Khan and Lada Duncheva both just said the same thing in their April videos. Very strongly. Saturn gone stationary before retrograde. No desire for Beatris, vaguely Davina on Wednesday. Old pull of pointless Sunset but better to save for a Saturday or Friday. Best thing is the Calcutta then home to sleep. Is that my life? For a few months until I have reduced the debt a lot, yes. Got to get my credit card debt down to a permanently lower level. That is No.1 priority right now. Enjoy Calcutta in meantime. And just girls in the street. A Porcupine tomorrow perhaps.
Vaguely depressed. I think reading my 2007 diary has done that. The awful inadequacy of my early days with --, so shy. But, after all, I am so much better now. The future can be very bright, just bear down on my debts now, then I can drop in the odd trip to Brussels before annual late year trip to Vienna. The life I love. Anyone I feel attracted to? Since end of 2JZ, honestly only this Calcutta girl. It is only someone like her that will motivate me to keep going to get that little nest for myself again.
"Political risks in Europe mean the pound will also climb back to its pre-referendum level against the euro of €1.30 by the start of next year" Fantastic news! Just when my debt will have gone down and I should be ready to travel again! Temperance now, while the pound is absolutely at rock bottom.

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

Mentally and spiritually I was already living in Berlin and Vienna and Munich for so many years before I ever set foot there so imagine how amazing it was to finally go there. In 1999 the Rubicon was finally crossed (i.e. the English Channel)

Mentally and spiritually I was already living in Berlin and Vienna and Munich for so many years before I ever set foot there, so imagine how amazing it was to finally go there. In 1999 the Rubicon was finally crossed (i.e. the English Channel).
Oh Christ, so many magnificent beautiful girls on the train to Charing X tonight. Straightaway I want to take next Saturday night off to come in to London. A Calcutta session then maybe a Saturday night Sunset, when was last time I did that!?! I will ask K-- in morning if he is free.
Getting on at --, blonde in shoulderless black long dress over most beautiful big bosoms. Then as my bus headed to Trafalgar Square we passed her again; one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, with two of the most beautiful big bosoms straining inside that black dress, almost popping over it. Sensational.
So much crumpet everywhere. Do it. Ask K-- in morning. I used Kerry Marie to get me to sleep today. And when I say used I think you know very well what I mean.


Monday, 2 April 2018

I really don't want to travel, I so much more want to keep saving another £300 or £400 each month towards my credit cards

I really don't want to travel, I so much more want to keep saving another £300 or £400 each month towards my credit cards. I am thrilled by the progress I am slowly starting to make. In May I will have a £600 surplus in my bank hopefully, no way I would then want to blow that on going back to Brussels. I want to build it even more, and use it towards my cards only. *** "You're just enjoying your life, whatever you are doing" says Venice. It is true. How happy I was here at work last night. Solving the -- problem made me happy. I am happy those two days this week just getting the train into Charing Cross on my days off for those two days in the Calcutta; something so simple made me happy. Happy to be making a £300 or £400 profit every month at the moment. Only really realised that my finances had got so much worse since August last year, but that would be after the Brexit referendum and the crash of sterling wouldn't it! Suddenly my travels became SO much more expensive, but I just kept on like nothing had happened. "Deliciously abundant. Enjoy it." Yes, I do feel abundant. On threshold of summer and all those sexy girls bouncing around London.

Sunday, 1 April 2018

But how much I ENJOYED going out on Monday and Tuesday!

But how much I ENJOYED going out on Monday and Tuesday! It made me happy, just leaving the house and heading back up to -- Station! To see that gorgeous grey blonde yesterday. To sit on train with my Red Bull, looking forward to my first pint. If no beauty in the Calcutta go on to Porcupine and come back later. Six maybe maximum, then back home by 3 perhaps. Now spring is here and warm weather, and sexy flesh on display, I have to make myself happy by going out on my days off. Allow myself that expense.

Friday, 30 March 2018

So I walked into the Calcutta and there she was, my little darling

So I walked into the Calcutta and there she was, my little darling. Great big grin as she saw me, and she walked behind bar to serve me. Dark blue jeans, grey Calcutta t-shirt, curvy voluptuous bottom and curvy big bosoms. What a little beauty. The most beautiful barmaid since Cassia at the Porcupine. Stayed for 6 pints, but each time I went back to bar I fancied her less as the beer numbed me. Was happy to go home after the 6th, before 3 o'clock.
Coming to -- Station same time as me, beautiful grey blonde wavy bob girl in long grey wool coat belted. Beautiful face, bit like --.
Then at Charing Cross girl in pink top and blue skirt so short I am sure I could see the under-curve of her buttocks. Stunning.

Wednesday, 28 March 2018

Slept when I got home to 147 then got 230 train. Just beardie there then after 5 blonde weird girl came in and another beardie

Slept when I got home, to 147, then got 230 train. Just beardie there, then after 5 blonde weird girl came in and another beardie. That was it. Disappointing. Don’t think I saw a single sexy girl all day. Six pints maybe.
Saw blondie crossing -- bridge just before 230 train came. White top, black tight skirt. Oh, and on my way home coming down bus stairs and standing with back to glass facing other passengers, gorgeous brunette, red lips, black jacket top, skirt and stockings, stunning, she knew I was looking. Sexy. I need to move beyond the Calcutta to give me greater chance. Really do need to go up to the Porcupine at least. Try that today. Get 1030 then up to Porcupine before 12 for one at least then back down for early train home.
Those beefburger rolls were so lovely last night coming home so hungry. £24 spent not bad, if I stay away from the strippers. I enjoyed the drinking well enough. Shame I never saw anyone sexy.
Today let me try the Porcupine, then walk back down via the one in the alley (the Nell Gwynn), even the Green Man.

A personal memoir of autism, Asperger’s, pornography, prostitution, strip clubs, strippers and Soho–JOURNALS: VOLUME 1 (1996-2001) by Ernst Graf (£3); now with explanatory footnotes

My previously-published journals Therapy, A Season in Hell, and Autismus re-edited with new material, and now collected in one volume, with added explanatory footnotes as I am told some of my allusions are rather dense.


13 “…after Chantal…” Dancer at Sunset Strip strip club who I fell in love with at first sight, 26th January 1995, without ever speaking to, of course. In those days the curtains just opened & closed and there was no mingling with the girls at the bar as happens nowadays, unfortunately.
18 “…I love going to Sunset Strip after the Chandos…” Sunset Strip strip club in Dean Street, Soho, where I saw my first ever naked woman. The Chandos pub on corner of St Martin’s Lane close to Charing Cross Station.
21 “While reading The Daughter of Fu Manchu…” Fu Manchu a fictional master villain created in 1912 by Sax Rohmer. The daughter of Fu Manchu makes numerous appearances in the books and was a particular figure of fantasy to me. I was a great collector of the Fu Manchu books during the 1990s, scouring the numerous second-hand bookshops of the Charing Cross Road on every visit to London.
24 "It is false spirituality to neglect things carnal. Real spirituality comes from regeneration of the flesh." Words of Vladimir Solovyov, Russian philosopher who lived between 1853-1900.
24 “The Astral films are Benny Hill films, the Sunset girls are Benny Hill girls.” Benny Hill always had a troupe of sexy dancing girls on his shows, called Hill’s Angels, and I always think it was watching these dancers during my childhood & teenage years, along with the similar Hot Gossip on Kenny Everett’s TV show, that gave me a lifelong love of erotic dancers.
29 "Collective lust roared unashamed at the theatre". Louise Brooks's depiction of the erotic smorgasbord of Berlin when she arrived in 1928 to film Pandora's Box. With particular reference to Josephine Baker's appearances in Berlin dancing in girdle of bananas. The men of Berlin had never seen anything like it before.
29 “I love the openness & relaxation of the girls in the sex films like Egon Schiele loved his models.” Egon Schiele a scandalous Austrian painter who at one point in 1912 spent 24 days in prison for his habit of using young girls as his nude models.
29 “Haunt the balconies of the Coliseum…” Home of the E.N.O. (English National Opera) in St Martin’s Lane, close to Charing Cross Station.
29 “I do want Boulevard, and Soho Cinema…” Boulevard Strip Club in Brewer’s Court, Soho, and The Soho Cinema a porn cinema in the basement beneath it, under same management. Both closed down in December 2013.
30 "The double life of Franz Schubert." Title of a 1997 TV film about the composer who would often visit brothels in between composing his great works before finally dying of syphilis in Vienna in 1828.
30 “Federico Garcia Lorca led a necessarily double life.” Homosexual Spanish poet murdered in 1936 by fascist militia during the Spanish Civil War.
-- etc.

More bad luck good luck, didn’t get to Victoria till 808 this morning and my 809 was leaving from Platform 8 so no chance except then I saw it was delayed till 812 so I could just catch it!

More bad luck good luck, didn’t get to Victoria till 808 this morning and my 809 was leaving from Platform 8 so no chance, except then I saw it was delayed till 812 so I could just catch it! Amazing. Last night coming up then I can look for Calcutta girl tomorrow. It would be nice to see Turkish Beatris again soon, even wobbling bottom and knockers Sonia. But must wait for payday now. Surely.
There is no one at -- for me except Beatris. No one at -- except Sonia. Easy to stay away, No one at Sunset at all frankly. Get very drunk in the Calcutta then get early train home to sleep through till tomorrow.  No point even going to the Porcupine if I am not going anywhere else, better to stay at Calcutta, as far as the Marquis only perhaps.