Reading my 1999 and 2007 diaries just reminds me how many years of my life I lost to complete misery and depression. And that stopped me earning money as well. --'s return to me on Twelfth Night 2010 changed that forever. By then of course I already had a good job with ---. I only got that because I was trying to earn more money to help ---. So --- really was responsible for me turning my life around. I have been in continuous employment with ---- since that December 2007 thanks to ---.
Sunday, 11 February 2018
Saturday, 10 February 2018
I am in no hurry to have my own little nest, because there is absolutely no one I fancy right now. No one I am interested in. Not at ---, or ---. No woman I have any kind of relationship with whatsoever. Therefore no hurry for the little nest. Carry on saving as much money as possible. Stockpile my money now, like a squirrel storing up his nuts. That is the phase I am in now. By May my bank could be in a nice healthy position for first time in years.
Thursday, 8 February 2018
So my austerity is over. My no more strippers is over! But if I am not travelling I must allow myself this. Gets the blood pumping at least. The Hawkshaw to the --- might become a new regular route for me.
Wednesday, 7 February 2018
So got the 10 o'clock to Cannon Street, three beers in the Hawkshaw, relaxing enjoyable, listening to my music
So got the 10 o'clock to Cannon Street, three beers in the Hawkshaw, relaxing enjoyable, listening to my music. Will I see a single pretty sexy girl today I thought? And really no, I didn't. Half in the Bell (£2.45), then got lost cutting the corner! Went past pubs I never heard of before, The George & Vulture, Jamaica Wine Inn, more I cannot remember. Before finally coming back onto the main drag via Wormwood Street! 242 just coming off by Spreadeagle, to ---. C--, J-- quite busty, sexy E--? in catprint leotard. All it cost me was two beers and then £2 as only two girls took to stage just before I left. Straight back home and indoors by 4pm I think. I got to enjoy three different sexy girls, all for £2! And I do love the Hogarthian, Thomas Rowlandson look of the place.
Tuesday, 6 February 2018
I am talking myself into going to the --- early after all. That case makes more sense to get train to Cannon Street
I am talking myself into going to the --- early after all. That case makes more sense to get train to Cannon Street, have some beers in Hawkshaw, before up Liverpool Street way to ---, come back home from Cannon Street too. Better to see SOME naked breasts rather than sitting in boring Strand pubs staring at wall. And the Hawkshaw is open already of course! Yes let me go now. 937AM now. Trains fucked up again of course. Then I can go on a little pub crawl of Cannon Street. Hawkshaw, The Bell, that big Wetherspoons on the corner even. Before bus up to --- for ONE BEER.
Monday, 5 February 2018
Should be raining all afternoon up till 4PM. Nowhere I want to go. S--? No. A--? Perhaps. But really no desire for it. I have had my dose of naked breasts for the week
Should be raining all afternoon up till 4PM. Nowhere I want to go. S--? No. A--? Perhaps. But really no desire for it. I have had my dose of naked breasts for the week. Expensive dose at that. Another £100 session. Maybe just go on a Strand pub crawl. Lyceum, Coal Hole, Nell Gwynn, Marquis, Calcutta home BEFORE 4. I have £40 in my pocket already. Cannot stay in every day on my days off, that is not life. At least go out and see some pretty girls maybe.
Now I ache I did not finally see Vienna Manhattan Denitsa naked & go to room with her, that huge voluptuous black girl naked and go to room with her, and a couple of others. I THINK SPRING IS COMING! Cannot wait to get back to Vienna WSK and Manhattan and Cafe Westend. Back to Brussels Cine Paris and Fifth Avenue. And finally discovering HAMBURG. My mission for this year. Stop off for a night in Berlin of course.
Sunday, 4 February 2018
Yesterday went to bed after watching more French porn, that dogging video in woods was so good; made me remember how good it was to dog that old girl in Sunset Cinema that time, and whenever I have met a girl in a porn cinema. It was a long session before I lay down finally, almost 11am perhaps, but then I slept through to 430pm for wee, then through to 544! So that is more than 6 & half hours! How good it is when drinking in London, Sunset Strip IS always there from 12 onwards, Axe IS always there. Any time of day you can go and enjoy your beer while looking at naked women; in Europe you have to wait to 9pm if you can find any strip clubs at all, and even then it is topless only. Disgusting! But how good it is in Brussels I have got Fifth Avenue bar full of floozies to sit in all day, a road full of window girls all day, a Porn Cinema all day. How good in Vienna there is a porn cinema with HOSTESSES all day; and then fantastic Manhattan at night. The travel bug oh god is growing again; why I need to go to pubs in London on my days off. Monday for sure.
Saturday, 3 February 2018
Spring will be here soon, then I will start feeling randy again. I imagine going back to Fifth Avenue with such a hunger that will carry me into the bedroom with Bulgarian slim Emily, or black bob Tatiana, or Paloma. I am feeling the wolfish gnawing hunger already. But I must wait longer. Indulge in breasts in London if I have to, and lots of drink, to keep me away from travel.
Came before bed thinking of taking f--kbunny Josie into Cine Paris with me. Tormented by the thought I have barely scratched the surface of what eroticism can offer me
Came before bed thinking of taking f--kbunny Josie into Cine Paris with me. Tormented by the thought I have barely scratched the surface of what eroticism can offer me, even with all the closures. Tormented but excited as well. There is still so much to discover, still so much uncharted territory to explore. Still so many greater peaks to climb. I just need to massively reduce this debt now as it has become too big to cope with. Get it right down, then we go again.
Friday, 2 February 2018
Surely this scare will serve as a vital stiffener, for when I start to wobble like last night. Every week might be my last in ---, every week might be my last at ---. I have to always remember that, and just keep my head down, and not spend any money, and no more travelling for a while. Bad luck equals good luck. This scare hasn't actually cost me a penny (yet) but has helped me to AVOID spending a lot; we just have to hope the scare does not come to anything. Negotiations surely will take some time so that should secure a full March & April for me at least?
"People are admiring you." "You have presence." "Get out of your own way." Who knows these negotiations may even work out BETTER for me?
"People are admiring you." "You have presence." "Get out of your own way." Who knows these negotiations may even work out BETTER for me? Don't need to be caught up in all this whirlstorm of fear, anxiety and angst. "You stand on the threshold of abundance. Align yourself with like-minded people, with people who see your value. People trying to pull you down are pulling you down out of fear." Fear you are having more sex than them, fear you are having more sexual pleasure than them, fear you are more intelligent than them, more gifted than them, more beautiful than them. "Tap into your gifts".
Thursday, 1 February 2018
W--king in bed this morning (French porn again) and with two cans of Belgian Lager inside me I felt so suddenly desperate to be back in Brussels
W--king in bed this morning (French porn again), and with two cans of Belgian Lager inside me, I felt so suddenly desperate to be back in Brussels, Cine Paris yes but also Bulgarian Emily in Fifth. Started to think about a Snap ticket on these three days off! Madness. Oh but even now I think well, a £25 bus there? Brussels is growing inside me again. Try to get to a strip pub this week to get it out of my system, at least see some naked bosoms.
The excitement of a holiday only starts when the plan completely changes. When the day I had the ticket to come home changes to the day I decide to stay on or go somewhere else first, BEFORE going home. That is the ONLY TIME my holidays burst to life and I burst to life. However, these last minute changes of plan and last minute postponements of the homeward journey are expensive. They are mad, and exciting, and expensive. My three days Brussels trip that turned into seven days brought me the discovery of Leyla. My Vienna rip [trip, not rip; Freudian slip] with last night in Frankfurt which turned instead into last night in Brussels brought me discovery of Brazilian Diane.
Wednesday, 31 January 2018
Christ I can't stop thinking about Cine Paris now. Yes that long 7-day Vienna trip was disastrously reckless financially, but Christ what a memory getting wanked off in the LOBBY of the WSK cinema, sitting at the bar in front of everyone. The longer it is since it happened the greater it seems. Epic memories. And only drink takes me into these places, physically and spiritually. And of course on the last night on the way back I met Brazilian Diane, one of the great f--ks of my young life. THIS is why I travel, and THIS is why I owe so much on my cards. Extraordinary memories. But I HAVE to see naked women, that is the thing. Naked breasts and naked nipples. If I do not go back to -- next week, I will go to ---. If not -- then ---, I will never stop. But cheap visits these days.
Tuesday, 30 January 2018
Monday, 29 January 2018
I FEEL THE REALITY IS MY TIME HERE IS NEARING ITS END. IF I AM ROCKING THE BOAT AGAINST THE PAYCUTS THEY WILL JUST MOVE ME OUT. PREPARE FOR THAT. If only I hadn't stayed for those 7 days in Brussels---but then I would never have met Leyla & had that long session in Cine Paris. If only I hadn't gone to Vienna in December---but then I would never have met Brazilian Diane on that last Friday night. That is why I travel, that is what I earn money for.
Rainy day Monday. Feel so much like going out for drink and naked girls. I cannot face another week like last Monday to Wednesday, stuck in the house all week. I need to go out. The danger is hearing nothing from --- for so long makes me relax and think I am fine now. When it might still be happening; no reason to think otherwise. But complacency setting in again. Thinking about Brussels even. But crazy to save £480 this month only to go and blow it again. I have to keep saving this money every month to have a chance in life. Got to get my bank into credit and keep it there. No more minus below the line. Stay in credit always if I can.